If you’re planting in a garden, you need to be digging that garden over now. Well, not now, it’s probably dark. But over the next week or two you need to be turning the soil over so it’s crumbly and then mulching it. “Mulching” is not in fact a new sexual practise invented by Something Awful. It means covering the soil you just dug over with compost.
You see, the Earth’s natural tendency is to fuck with you. This is the secret of gardening. The planet does not want to give you anything. Mulching the soil is like waterboarding Gaia. It’s the Human saying to the Planet, “give me what I want or I will continue to drown you in handfuls of shit.” Be merciless.